how to sell your crap to me.

I could write a lot of how-tos. I suppose that comes from being somewhat particular and neurotic, though that doesn't sound as nice as it being a result of my being very knowledgeable about a lot of things. I could write about how to buy too many clocks, how to use quotation marks properly on a homemade sign, or how to write how-to blog entries. Today, I am going to write about how to hold a yard sale.

I will preface this by saying that I've never actually held a yard sale. This article will be instructions developed entirely from the point of view from the yard sale shopper. I don't feel that disqualifies me from writing this how-to. If you want, don't take it as a guide to sell your crap, but as one to get me to buy it.

I will also state that I will use the term "yard sale." Others might call them garage sales, or scavenger sales, or tag sales. They're all the same thing, and I prefer the first term. Note also that though an estate sale is technically different from a yard sale (there seems to be a death requirement), I think that the running of them is fairly similar to the traditional yard sale, particularly in the topics that I cover here. Just to avoid litigation, though, I do not guarantee these tips for estate sales. This also only really applies to small, one-home yard sales. The big bonanza events held by churches or civic organizations have other rules.

Advertising
I consider newspaper ads optional in most cases. Some papers will advertise your sale for free, and if so, by all means, take advantage of that. However, if the newspaper is going to charge you, then maybe do without the ad. The exception here is if you are selling expensive items, including furniture, antiques, and musical instruments. The people who just happen by are less likely to be willing to spend the money for those things, and so you want to make sure you attract the attention of whoever might be trolling the paper looking for that kind of thing.

So, if you don't advertise in the newspaper, how will people know? Signs, signs, signs. People, make sure you have good signs. This is probably my greatest pet peeve, since if I can't find a yard sale, I can't get there to complain about anything else. The reason that you don't need the newspaper ad is because a lot of people are just driving around and swerving suddenly off the road whenever they see a sale. I'm one of them. I rarely check the paper, trusting only to take my car to a few neighborhoods that I know tend to have sales and then following the signs.

Signs can be made of lots of things, but I prefer the neon posterboard ones, simply because they stand out. Also, please make sure that all your signs (yes, multiple) are made of the same material and look generally the same. So if you are using neon posterboard, be a dear, and use all green signs. It just makes it easier to tell your signs from any others. Signs made from cardboard boxes are okay, but they can be hard to read from a distance (use a red crayon for these). I don't much like the store ones that say "Yard Sale" and have a teensy space to write in. Remember, we have to read this as we are driving erratically and trying to frantically change lanes, so please make it easy on us. If a three-car pileup is blocking the entrance to your street, you're not going to get a lot of business.

You need a lot of signs. No, really. You definitely need one at every turn. I recommend making a path of signs from any nearby large thoroughfaires to your house. If there are any long stretches where there are no turns, you might want to throw in a couple of "keep going!" signs along the way to tell the perspective shopper to keep the faith, there is in fact a yard sale ahead. I've often driven slowly down a road, wondering if I should give up and turn back, ever fearful of turning around right before I reach a yard sale that has a grand piano on sale for $5, plus free delivery. Don't neglect to put signs at your house as well, just in case people miss the piles of crap in your yard. Some people have piles of crap in their yards anyway, and you don't want to be confused with them.

There are some neighborhoods which discourage signs, because they can be unattractive. Clemmons, North Carolina is one of them. But Clemmons is a snooty little town that pretends to be a village, but no one is fooled. If you live in such a place, you should move anyway. Then you can have a moving sale!

A sign should contain the following information (all written legibly and as large as possible):
1. Time and Date - That way people will know if they should bother following the signs. If it's the wrong day or outside your time block, they can save themselves the trouble.
2. Address - please, please please. Sometimes, those of us driving around will miss a turn or are just lousy drivers in general, and so putting your address on the sign will assist us in finding you. Theoretically, if you position your signs right, the address won't be needed, but let's not get cocky.
3. A big arrow pointing the direction to turn (or to stay straight).
4. The words "YARD SALE" - nice and big.

Feel free to add attractive modifiers to "YARD SALE" like big, huge, gargantuan, or apocalyptic. However, make sure that you only add these things when you have finished adding the above requirements. Only do it if you have room. I honestly don't pay attention to them. The point of signs is just to provide a dummy-proof method of getting dummies to your house.

One final word on the matter of signs: Be sure to take them down once your sale is over. It's just polite to your community. Also, if you were a jerk and did not put the date on the sign, it keeps future yard salers from driving around your neighborhood cursing.

Pricing
A lot of people have trouble with this one. Sometimes I can go to a yard sale and tell that the person throwing it has never ever been to one. The yard sale economy is just like any other in that you have to price things at what the market will bear. And frankly, we're cheap. Obviously, the best way to get a feel for pricing is to go to other sales. You might consult a friend who goes. Other than that, I honestly don't know what to tell you.

See, the thing with a yard sale is that the advantage is mostly in the buyer's favor. You're trying to get rid of stuff and you have only a few hours to do it. We, the shoppers, know you are in that position. We know that you don't want to have to bring all that crap back into the house. If you are having trouble getting buyers to bite, you might want to lower your prices as the day goes by.

If you really don't know, I highly recommend doing some research into this problem before you have your sale. You will lose sales from ignorant pricing. If your prices are bad enough, I will just leave without trying to negotiate, because I figure that you are an idiot and don't understand. I can't give you a guide, really, because I suspect that pricing might vary by region. You might go to a thrift store to gauge the rates, but then you have to lower those prices again. You are not running a thrift store. It's more like you're running a thrift store that's going out of business this afternoon. Whatever you decide, be willing to negotiate. That's a good way to make up for bad initial pricing decisions.

As far as putting the prices on the items, I do not have strong opinions. I like it when things are labelled so I don't have to ask. But it's a pain to label every little thing, so if you don't get around to it, that's cool. I would recommend at least having group pricing on items that you have a lot of, such as clothing, books, or glassware. Just put a sign that details how much pants and belts and hardbacks and bowls are. Be sure not to write directly on the product, and use stickers that are easy to remove. I am proud of my yard sale treasures, but I don't want people to be able to immediately tell that I bought them used because they still say $.50 on them.

Negotiating
Get over it, because it's going to happen. Someone is going to want to pay only fifty cents for that Jon Bon Jovi CD, even though you priced it at a dollar. Most people are unused to haggling and so as soon as someone tries to do it, they get a scared look in their eyes and just agree. That's really fine with me, because I just saved fifty cents on a Jon Bon Jovi CD, but in your best interests as the seller, you should probably not do that. If what they propose is reasonable, then go for it. If not, then refuse nicely or perhaps counter with something you are willing to accept. It doesn't have to be an argument or anything tense. Take a deep breath, it's fine.

Running Times
It seems that lately I've noticed yard sales starting and ending earlier in the day. I've seen them starting as early as 6 and ending as early as 10. To me, the perfect block of time is 8 to noon. That's generally the time that I devote on Saturday mornings to shopping the sales. Of course, you can start earlier or go until later, but I feel like those four hours are the core ones. If you don't include them, you're missing the times when most shoppers will be out. Or me, anyway.

Whatever your time may be, don't start earlier. If your sign says 8 AM, don't sell a thing before then. Cover up your tables. You will get people who come at 6 AM and try to get you to sell them stuff. Shoo them away with a newspaper. Offer to sell the stuff to them at double price if they're so antsy. I don't like people who do the early bird thing and try to get all the stuff before the sales even start. And if you encourage them, you're just encouraging bad yard sale etiquette. That's also why I don't like sales to start before 8 AM. I just see that as a trend started by those early people.

Also, I prefer Saturday morning sales. In this region, some people have them on Friday and Saturday mornings. Most people work on Friday mornings, and so I don't see this as being particularly helpful. However, when I was in Michigan, people were holding sales from Wednesday to Sunday. I thought that was craziness. All in all, I feel like it makes sense to hold sales when the most people are going to be buying, which is also probably when most of the other sales are held.

Try and avoid holiday weekends, if possible. Forget the "if possible," just do it. Less people will be holding sales and less people will be out shopping. If you can arrange to have a sale the same day as other people in your neighborhood, that's excellent. You'll attract more traffic.

Salesmanship
Don't sell me stuff. People come to yard sales to buy things, so it's not as if you have to convince them. Be available to answer questions, but that's about it. Don't give any extra sales pitch, just the facts, ma'am. Trust them to wander around and look at stuff themselves without you leading them to the stirrup pants. We probably don't want any stirrup pants.

Leftovers
You won't sell every little thing, so if you still don't want it, take it to the thrift store. Some stores are reluctant to take things that they know are yard sale leftovers, so maybe try to disguise it a bit if possible. Take off your price stickers or whatever. Please, please, please do not throw it away. I hate waste. Plus, you can write the donation off your taxes.

Lemonade Stands
A lot of sales will feature a table to the side where little kids will sell lemonade or soda along with some baked goods. I am in favor of this sort of enterprise and I will frequently buy a brownie, even if I'm not hungry. Without going too much into a parenting how-to (which I am ridiculously unqualified to write), I think it's a good idea to give kids a project and teach them a little entrepreneurial spirit. It's the American way. Don't charge more than fifty cents for anything, though. Also, cuter kids sell things better, so if yours are funny-looking, maybe borrow a neighbor's.

Congratulations, you're now ready to sell me some of your old, unwanted crap. Now you've got good signs and prices and know how to handle the haggling. Of course, you may have a bunch of stirrup pants and not any Jon Bon Jovi CDs, so I might just browse for a minute, then wish you a pleasant day. That'll happen. Hopefully, though, you're prepared to sell stuff to anybody and you'll make lots of money. Then you can buy more crap.