technically unsupported.

Despite being a "computer person," I occasionally have to contact tech support. I hate it as much as anyone, but I feel sorry for the people working the phones. They're going to have to deal with unfriendly and angry people every single day. Calling tech support is admitting you can't do something on your own and that you need help, something a lot of people don't like to do. And so the people calling are already angry.

I wish, though, that there was a secret code I could give to the guy on the other end of the line that would signal to him that I am not an idiot, the "baa-ram-ewe" of tech support. I'm sure they get lots of calls from idiots.

"Something's wrong with my computer! It keeps showing me a message!"

"What does the message say?"

"Oh. Uh..." mumbling sound of person reading to himself "My system has been updated and I need to restart."

"What happens when you restart?"

"I haven't tried that."

There are idiots out there. There are people who think they know more than they do, who go mucking around in things they don't understand, who fail to read the instructions and then they blame whatever representative happens to get dialed when they call. Note that I obviously have never done any of these things. After all, I'm a "computer person!" I am very sympathetic to the plight of tech support.

But sometimes it seems like they don't read the instructions either. Last night, I was having trouble setting up security on my home router. I logged in as an administrator, found the page where you change security changes, made the security changes, then clicked 'Apply.' Nothing happened. I tried this several times, with different variations in the changes I made. I looked in the documentation included with the router. I looked at the online support FAQs. Finally, I sent an email to tech support. This was my email:

Hi. I'm having trouble enabling WPA-PSK security on my home wireless network. I set the security type to WPA-PSK, enter the passphrase and the confirmed passphrase, then hit Apply, but nothing happens. I tried varying the passphrase some, but that didn't help. When I change other settings on the same page (such as the SSID), the Apply button seems to work, as the screen changes. But when I make any security changes, it does nothing and my settings do not get saved. There doesn't seem to be any error message. Any ideas?

Tech support's response:

It sounds like you're having trouble setting up WPA-PSK security on your router. First, log in to your router as an administrator. Then, navigate to the Security tab. Select WPA-PSK from the drop-down list. Enter a secret phrase into the Passphrase and Confirmed Passphrase fields (make sure they match exactly). Hit the Apply button. The router will restart and your changes will be applied. Please respond to this email if the problem persists.

It's so difficult not to immediately reply and say "Did you read my problem? Can you read, like at all? Third grade level at least?" But I don't, because I am sympathetic. This person is only doing his job. He's not doing it particularly well, but it's probably a mind-numbing job. Maybe on his first day he actually read the trouble reports, but after a couple months of constant abuse from customers, he just gave up and started working on autopilot, skimming for the problem and then cutting and pasting responses from the documentation.

Still, man, give me a break. It's clear from my email that I'm past the hurdle of logging in and setting phrases and hitting Apply buttons. So don't give me instructions on what I clearly know how to do. I know you have to make obvious suggestions, but perhaps just ask me questions about my steps to make sure that I'm doing it right. Ask me if I'm logged in as an administrator. Ask me if my password is between 8 and 63 characters long. Acknowledge that you understand that I understand. You know what would be great? Apologize to me for asking stupid questions.

To make sure I understand your problem, you seem to be unable to enable WPA-PSK security on your router. First, let's go through a few simple trouble-shooting questions. I apologize if these seem obvious, but they will assist me in narrowing down your issue.
1. Are you logged in to the router as an administrator (username = "administrator")?
2. Are you using a passphrase that is between 8 and 63 alphanumeric characters long?
3. Are you making these changes on a computer connected to the router using a wired connection?
If these questions help you solve the issue, great. If not, please let me know and we'll procede from there.

Isn't that much, much nicer?

Here is my suggestion. Put secret passwords in the documentation. Somewhere in the verbage, say "If you are having trouble with this setup, call tech support and give them the code 'Squigee.'" That way, the guy knows that you at least read the manual. You can put more advanced codes on the advanced screens so he'll know you're at least looking at the right thing. Maybe if calling tech support was not such a degrading experience, we'd all be a little more friendly when we had to do it.

Okay, probably not.