return to sender.

I occasionally get misdirected emails. There are people out there who think that they have my email address. Perhaps they wish to be more like me. Or maybe they're just forgetful. It's a bit annoying, having people who forget that they're not you, because you get spammed that way. So I get emails from companies directed to Sandra SomeOtherLastName. But I also get some real correspondence, too. I always read them, because I have no moral qualms about reading email that was sent to me, whether the other person knew they were sending it to me or not. Sometimes I delete it, and sometimes I respond, telling the other person that they've got the wrong address, please stop sending me e-cards of butterflies and flowers. I periodically get reminders to get pick up my cat's medications in Houston, and I once had a really hard time convincing a Colorado technical college that I had not missed my meeting with my academic advisor.

The problem was actually worse with my previous email address. I would get daily emails meant for other people. I got several letters from a guy in prison who thought he was writing to his mom. He told me a lot of fascinating details about some sort of Little Debbie scandal. Apparently, he'd been framed by some execs, thus his stint in the big house. I really wish that I had saved those.

I got a new email this morning, one from a teacher at the Anglo-American School of Moscow.

Good Evening!

As you may know, we have had a substitute teacher assistant all week. Today our substitute teacher assistant needed to go home ill and another substitute assistant arrived to assist our class. Brian* had great difficulty with this change and was not listening to the substitute's instructions and was acting very silly during the break and at lunch. I know that change is a difficult thing to deal with, but Brian needs to listen to all adults that speak to him and also needs to stay in control when these changes occur. The substitute assistant spoke to him and so did I. Could you also speak to him about listening to adults and showing respect for all?

I felt such a plea needed a response. What if Brian's problems continued, and he became President of the Russian Federation and restarted the Cold War...all because of me! I had to reply.

As much as I would love to give little Brian a talking-to, I think you have the wrong email address. I don't have any children. If I did, I would be sure to teach them to show respect to all adults.

I hope you're able to track down Brian's parents and that his behavior problems desist.

Ladies and gentleman, I have saved us all from certain Strangelovian doom. Thank me later.

*By the way, the kid's name was not Brian. Trust me, you'll never guess it.