my special day.

My birthdays are traditionally underwhelming. I have no one to blame but myself. I don't like to make a big deal about my birthday. I hate it when people manage to bring up the fact that the anniversary of their birth is today or tomorrow or next month. It feels like a plea for attention and above the age of, oh, say 16, is just sort of obnoxious. (There are people whom I love that do this, and I'd like to state that I do love them still, but sometimes even people you love do annoying things.)

A notable exception was my twenty-first birthday, when I was just so over the top with excitement that I found myself unable to keep it in. (Addressing whether my excitement was indicative of a larger problem is not a topic for today's discussion.) People asked me how I was, and they were informed that it was my birthday. They reacted about the way that I do when other people do that. "Oh. Happy Birthday." I don't feel that I was trying to get attention, I was just excited. And maybe that is what other people are feeling, because it's their "special day."

Birthdays are not inherently special, but we live in a culture that makes them so. If you'd spent your whole life believing you'd been born on one day, only to find out at age 45 that you were actually born three months earlier, which day would you celebrate? Okay, probably both.

I can yammer on about silly cultural traditions all day long, but at the end of it all, I was still raised in this silly culture, and so I expect my special day, too. "You know, this birthday business is just an excuse for people to feel good about themselves and have a party. It's just another day that doesn't really mean anything. I suppose you could argue that it's a good time for reflection upon your life, but do you really need an assigned time for that? Wait, is that cake?"

Because of all the build-up that birthdays get, I always expect to feel different somehow on the actual day. I am apparently a very slow learner, because I never feel any different. I don't feel older or wiser or even sort of glowing. In fact, I have to keep reminding myself that on this very day in 1982, I made a wet and screaming entrance into the world. Hmm, I need to pay rent tomorrow...but it's my birthday today. I'm out of milk...on my birthday. This code that I wrote isn't quite working...on my birthday.

To sum up, I don't want to make a big deal on my birthday. But if someone else wants to make a big deal about my birthday, then that is just fine. Pass the cake, give me a silly crown to wear, just don't say that I asked for it. I'm just special today, that's all.