the avocado council.

Someone alert the Avocado Council. Their fine fruit is being done a disservice. I cannot yet tell how widespread the problem is, only that I have observed it in both the mountain and piedmont regions of North Carolina. There is no evidence to suggest that the issue started here, so there is the distinct possibility that it started elsewhere and spread here and who knows where else. It must be stopped.

I'm speaking of bad guacamole.

Some of you, those who have already been infected by bad guacamole, say that the phrase is redundant. I used to be among you, counting myself as anti-guacamole and indeed, anti-avocado. Because who ever heard of anything that the avocado ever did, except make guacamole? I shunned the green chip dip, asked for burritos be served without it, and abandoned friendships with those who claimed to enjoy it.

But my friends, I tell you that I had a revelation! I had a fresh and delicious epiphany, I saw the light, and it was light green. I was in a Mexican restaurant in Manhattan, where my friend was served something with a light sweet smell. She called it guacamole. But no, I said, guacamole has a gross brown tinge to it and smells like the bottom of a little kid's shoe after a rainstorm. At the next table over, a waiter came by with a tray bearing four bowls of different ingredients and one big empty bowl. He scooped some from each bowl, diced tomatoes, something white and tiny, some spices, and a bunch of mashed green goo. Right there he mixed them all together in the empty bowl and served it to the couple, who immediately dug in with tortillas. They looked happy. Intrigued, I asked my friend if I could sample hers. Then I looked happy.

So why is bad guacamole allowed to exist? Is it the avocadan equivalent of instant mashed potatoes? Is it too old, too processed, or just using the wrong ingredients? Are the waiters at those other Mexican restaurants just serving it to see if the silly gringos eat it?

I am hear to spread the guacamole gospel. Making delicious guacamole is as simple as taking ingredients from bowls in putting them in the same bowl. Tasting the real stuff will make you think eighty-seven times before you declare yourself anti-guacamole. Now you, too, can spread the word.

Guacamole
Allrecipes

• 3 avocados - peeled, pitted, and mashed


• 1 lime, juiced


• 1 teaspoon salt


• 1/2 cup finely diced onion


• 3 tablespoons chopped fresh cilantro


• 2 roma (plum) tomatoes, diced


• 1 teaspoon minced garlic

1. In a medium bowl, mash together the avocados, lime juice, and salt. Mix in onion, cilantro, tomatoes, and garlic. Refrigerate 1 hour for best flavor, or serve immediately.

Avocado trivia : Avocados are also called "alligator pears" due to their leathery skin. For a long time, avocados were thought to be a sexual stimulant, and so if you wanted to keep your good reputation, you wouldn't be caught buying them. The Avocado Council (or the actual, not made-up organization in charge of avocado public relations) launched a campaign to improve the public perspective. The word itself comes from the Aztec word ahuacatl, meaning "testicle." The Spanish soon substituted their own similar-sounding word, avocado, their word for "lawyer." So if a Conquistador ever tells you that someone kicked his lawyers, you'll know what he means.