the leader of the plaque.

I have a toothache, which comes as no surprise to me. I know people who have never had a cavity, but it's people like me who keep the average number of fillings up despite those other people. I really do the bare minimum required to keep others from recoiling in disgust whenever I smile. Floss? Mouthwash? Forget about it.

I don't have a dentist here in Raleigh. Maybe that's another indication of my priorities - I get two free cleanings a year and I haven't been taking advantage of them. But now the occasional twinge of pain has forced me to start thinking about letting some gloved hands poke around in there with pointy metal objects. I'll get my free cleaning so that the dentist can tell me that I need something else which will definitely not be free.

I had a dentist in Winston-Salem that I really liked. He was funny and personable, as was all of his staff. His office was incredibly shiny and looked like it had been outfitted by Q Division. There were giant flat screen monitors coming from the ceiling that were hooked up to tiny mouth cameras. It was fascinating and gross. Some things should not be in high def.

I've been asking around the office for dentist recommendations. No one really seems to have much enthusiasm about their dentist. I ask if someone likes their dentist, they shrug, say he's okay, but then tell me they've been going there for fifteen years.

So I looked at some online reviews. These seem to fall into two camps: people who are unhappy with a dentist because the office messed up their insurance and people who are in love with their dentists because their root canals didn't hurt. There is something about the reviews in the second camp that bother me, and maybe it's my own quirk. I am wary of major dental work that doesn't hurt. In fact, that kind of statement makes me not want to go to that dentist. Are they just pumping these people full of drugs? Maybe they are just pretending to do the job by numbing you up, putting a blindfold over your eyes, playing a tape of drilling noises, and going out for coffee with the hygienists. In my mind, the dentist is supposed to hurt, and any time that it doesn't fills me with suspicion. Maybe I'm a masochist.

There are also reviews which talk about how nice the dentist office is, which makes me wonder where the money to buy that office is coming from. Of course, that's totally hypocritical of me, because I just got done talking about how much I liked my Winston-Salem dentist with the mouth camera. He probably didn't give me the cheapest kind of crown there is. He would have if I had asked about it, but I didn't, and so he probably has another mouth camera now.

So what the heck do I want? A guy with a used barber chair, a sharpened curtain rod, and a hammer for anesthetic? No, I want someone friendly who doesn't try and give me procedures that I don't need but fixes problems that I do have skillfully. A little pain is acceptable, because that's how people like me learn (or don't learn). Is that so hard to find? You know, I wouldn't have this problem at all if I took better care of my teeth. The cleanings are free; it's only those extra things that I have to worry about. Maybe I should just start flossing.

Nah.