how to fix a dishwasher.

How to Fix a Dishwasher That is Not Washing Dishes at All, Merely Heating Them

1. Notice that your dishwasher is not working. Pressing the START button makes the panel light up, but then nothing happens. When the lights go off, signifying that the dishwasher has completed, notice that the dishes are still dirty. This is the main indicator of a broken dishwasher.
2. Press the start button again. Notice once more how the lights go on but no running water sounds occur. Open the door, confirm that there is no water inside. Close the door again, shrug, and allow the machine to heat the dishes up once again.
3. Take out the removeable trays that hold the dishes in the dishwasher. Make sure the spinny things spin. See that there is a toothpick in the bottom. Pull it out. Run the machine again to see if the toothpick was the problem. Find out that it was not.
4. Notice that some parts are merely clipped inside the dishwasher. Take them out. Having done that, notice that other parts are merely held in with screws. Attempt to remove them, but become immediately foiled by the fact that you've never seen a screw with a design like that.
5. Google "star shaped screw." Learn what a torx screw is.
6. Get ready to go to store for a torx screw set. Realize you already have one in your multi-set screwdriver and that you'd always wondered what it was.
7. Unscrew and remove more parts from the dishwasher. Find more toothpicks, as well as broken glass shards and a whole lot of gross stuff that probably used to be food.
8. Find a piece that won't come out. Pull harder. When it finally gives and comes out of the dishwasher with a motor attached, realize that you probably should not have pulled that part out. Put it back.
9. Run the dishwasher again. Notice that it is still broken.
10. Decide that you must pull the dishwasher out from under the counter to really find the problem. Unscrew the two screws holding the dishwasher to the underside of the counter. Wonder if those are the only thing really holding it in there.
11. Try to pull the dishwasher out. Determine that there are more things holding the dishwasher, namely a water pipe, a drainage pipe, and an electrical cord. Try to pull out the dishwasher anyway.
12. Get to point where you cannot pull dishwasher out any further because of electrical connection.
13. Use a flashlight to look around under dishwasher through gap created by pulling it out a few inches. Notice that it is very very dusty.
14. Follow the water connection to a hose on the right side of the dishwasher, where it dumps into a plastic container that you suspect goes into the interior of the machine. Decide to test your theory by dumping water directly into it. Realize the challenge of this, since the dishwasher is still mostly under the counter. Decide that a long-necked watering can would be perfect for this experiment.
15. Remember that you do not own a watering can. You happened to see some really cute ones shaped like hippos at Target last week for only a dollar, but you did not buy it because you don't have any houseplants.
16. Locate a straw, a funnel, and some duct tape. Combine appropriately.
17. Put the straw end into the plastic water compartment. Pour a glass of water into the funnel.
18. Wipe all the water off the floor.
19. Take apart straw/funnel contraption. Do a better job attaching them with the duct tape. Test new design over the sink.
20. Put the straw end into the plastic water compartment. Pour a glass of water into the funnel.
21. Check the inside of the dishwasher. Notice that it is now wet. You have confirmed that water that comes out of the hose goes into the dishwasher, but you've forgotten why you ever wanted to know.
22. Remember that you are trying to find out why the water is not coming into the dishwasher.
23. Decide to test the hose that empties into the plastic water compartment. Attempt to remove it. Rip off the plastic thing instead, which was apparently glued on.
24. Try to reattach the plastic thing, but be thwarted by the fact that you've got about one inch of space to maneuver your hand, since the dishwasher continues to be mostly under the counter.
25. Realize that you will have to pull the dishwasher all the way out. Use the flashlight to follow the electrical cord from a metal box attached to the dishwasher all the way to a hole in the floor. Wonder why anyone would design a system that had to be plugged in under the house.
26. To avoid going down into the crawlspace, try some more to stick the plastic thing on. Decide that you need more room to maneuver, but the cabinets are in the way, so take the doors off, just because at least you know how to do that.
27. Lie in the floor and think about how creepy it is in the crawlspace, particularly on the side directly underneath the dishwasher, where it is actual crawlspace, rather than crouchspace.
28. Go watch TV for a while.
29. Take the flashlight down to the crawlspace. Check for snakes or spiders. Scare a few camel crickets. Crouch-walk until there is not room. Use the flashlight to look around. Crawl on your hands and knees until there is not room. Scan the room with the flashlight again. Crawl on your elbows and belly until you are all the way to the wall. Realize that the electrical cord looks exactly the same down here, so it's actually probably connected in that little metal box underneath the dishwasher. Feel like an idiot.
30. Go take a shower.
31. Watch more TV.
32. Call your mother
33. Google "how to disconnect a dishwasher." Learn about the removeable panel on the front of the dishwasher, below the door.
34. Turn off the power to the dishwasher at the breaker box. Be thankful that previous owners labeled everything.
35. Turn off the water to the dishwasher under the sink using a wrench. Think about all the tools you're getting to use today.
36. Remove the panel at the bottom of the dishwasher.
37. Remove the little metal box hiding the electrical connection. Disconnect the electrical connection.
38. Disconnect the water pipe.
39. Decide that the drainage hose can probably just stretch out far enough.
40. Pull the dishwasher out from under the counter.
41. Easily stick the plastic water compartment back onto the side.
42. Push the dishwasher back under the counter.
43. Reconnect the water pipe.
44. Reconnect the electrical connection.
45. Push the start button, just for kicks. Hear the sound of water running into the dishwasher. Use the flashlight to confirm that no water is dripping onto the floor.
46. Feel triumphant that you fixed your own dishwasher, even if you're not sure what you did and you did take a completely unnecessary crawl through the dirt underneath the house.
47. When the cycle is finished, put all the pieces back into the dishwasher, including the racks of dirty dishes. Run the cycle again.
48. Go online and brag on social media that you totally rock at fixing your own dishwasher. Leave out most of the story.