When Josh's band started touring, they bought a used van from a church. They probably had grand dreams of painting it with some super cool design, but in the end, it just continued to say INTERDENOMINATIONAL WORSHIP CENTER. They did add a bunch of stickers, from anywhere that gave out stickers. Bars, other bands, tourist stops, anywhere that had a sticker was represented on the band van.
I don't know how or where, though I can assume it was in Arizona, but they picked up a great big magnet that said ARIZONA RANGERS on it. Josh told me they had to take it off while actually in the state of Arizona. I guess the Arizona Rangers don't have any authority in the other states, or maybe the residents of other states are smart enough to figure out that a church band covered with stickers was probably not actually a vehicle for the Rangers.
Now, I liked that magnet. I really liked it. Blame it on my mother, but I like magnets. Plus, this one was big, shaped like a badge, and said ARIZONA RANGERS on it. I mean, even if you didn't have a magnet-mad mother, you would think it was a pretty cool magnet. You might want it so bad you want to sneak out in the night and take if off an unsuspecting band van.
But I know my place with regards to the band, so I knew that I couldn't take it or even ask for it in exchange for a some passionate kissing with the bassist. But then, the band broke up. The sticker-covered van is sitting in my driveway, waiting to be hit by a tree. It still mostly runs, but the back door doesn't seal quite right, and so water gets in and mold develops.
I saw my opportunity. I asked my husband, "Can I have that ARIZONA RANGERS magnet?" and he loves me, so he said, sure it's in the van. He did not love me enough to run out to the van immediately and fetch it. He did not love me enough to fetch it from the van within the next few weeks. It's almost like getting into a moldy van and digging out a busted magnet for his beloved wife wasn't his top priority.
The van's name is Wapakoneta. Have I mentioned that yet? It's a good detail.
Despite my husband's lack of commitment to obtaining his life partner's heart's desire, I was still very invested in the magnet. I was also invested in maybe getting the van out of driveway, and cleaning it out was a first step. It was a dirty deed done dirt cheap, retrieving anything that might be salvageable and not too moldy. There was mold, and it probably got in my lungs. There were also some t-shirts, CDs, and a water bottle full of what I think was urine.
Band vans are gross.
However, there was not a giant ARIZONA RANGERS magnet. So I got spores in my lungs for nothing, and the van is still in my driveway.
Last week, a friend called to tell us that the band had left some stuff in his basement. Maybe it's just this band, but they seem to accumulate a lot of stuff that then gets left on other people's property. There were two large crates worth of stuff, most of it bits and pieces of metal from the drum kit. There was also a giant ARIZONA RANGERS magnet.
I washed it carefully and pressed it between books to flatten out the kinks developed in storage. I can't do anything about the one missing tip or the cracking, but at last, I have fulfilled my novelty magnet dreams. Huzzah!