five inches short.

The duplex was cheap, suspiciously so. And though through all this wild apartment chase I had secretly been hoping for a charming little place that cost $5.00 a month, I'd been through enough to know that cheap rent means something, and it's never something good. But I was curious, and more than a little part of me hoped that whatever was keeping the rent so cheap was an inconvenience I could live with.

I made an appointment to meet the guy at 12:30 last Thursday, and I was late. It was 12:37 when I pulled into the parking lot of Sagebrush, our scheduled meeting place. He waved me over and told me the place was unlocked and directions to get there. I pretended to listen. I knew where it was, because I had scoped it out the night before. I've never been the patient type. I was listening when he told me that if I paid rent by the first of the month, he'd reduce the rate by $20.

$300 a month for a two bedroom two miles outside of town. Something was definitely wrong.

So I guided my Toyota down the road, two miles out of town to the gravel driveway with the green duplex at the top. I let myself in, and took my first look. Still, I didn't know what was wrong. The living room was modest, but clean and not cramped by any means. There was a tilted ladder that led up to the loft where the bedrooms were, and beyond that the kitchen and bathroom. The kitchen was cute, even had a little bar and a view of the woods. The appliances looked a little dated, but still nothing I hadn't already seen in apartments priced over $400 a month. The bathroom was surprisingly big, with lots of closet space and a full tub. I was already picturing where my stuff would go at this point.

Finally, I headed up the ladder to get a look at the two bedrooms. And I saw the problem. Rather, I ran my head smack into it. The ceilings upstairs were no more than five and a half feet above the floor. That's about five inches short of what I need to stand up straight. And I just started laughing.

Who built this thing? What were they thinking? Did the builders just miscalculate? I couldn't imagine what would possess someone to maim a house like this on purpose.

Despite the bedrooms apparently made for two of the seven dwarves, I gave the apartment serious thought. It was $300/month and that's dirt cheap. I thought about just living downstairs and using the upstairs for storage. Not that I could get much up there, considering it would have to go up a ladder. But still, I gave it a little thought. Just how much did standing erect mean to me? Sure, our neanderthal forefathers came a long way to develop those straight backs, but wasn't it just a little bit overrated?

And then I realized that I am not that poor, and I left that crazy place behind.