science!

In my wine science class, we do the experiments that everybody wanted to do in high school chemistry, but there was no time because you had to learn all those chicken wire drawings. Last week, we were doing the whole series of tests on a freshly mixed batch of white wine. I was in the group measuring total acidity, and it was my turn. Basically, you drip drip drip one chemical into some wine mixed with another chemical, and when the wine turns pink, then you stop and measure how much of the first chemical it took to turn the wine pink. Then that measurement tells you how acidic the wine is. Or something like that.

The drip drip drip part takes a little dexterity, because you have to drip drip drip the chemical and swirl swirl swirl this little flask of wine at the same time. I kind of enjoy doing these, except my constant fear is that I will drip drip drip too much, and then rather than having a lovely and delicate shade of pale pink, I will have a bright and garish shade of hot pink. And then I'll have to do it over again. I suppose if the wine industry the world over decided to go for the hot pink, we could just change the standard, but luckily the wine industry, even the wine science industry, is more fashionable than that.

Anyway, I do enjoy these basic experiments. They are simple, yet neat. Dr. Bob meanders around the lab, watching us, critiquing our technique ("Embrace the buret!"), and delightedly exclaiming, "Science!" I always want to start singing that Thomas Dolby song from the 80s when he makes this last exclamation, but refrain.

Wednesday night, I was preparing to do the titration (the technical term for drip drip drip), with Daisy in her green flowered glasses watching closely at my elbow. Daisy is short, with long greying hair. She is enthusiastic about her classes, always bringing in extra information that she found on the web. Daisy is also a hippie; I think she plans on naming her vineyard after the band Little Feat. As I was getting ready to embrace the buret, Daisy said, "When you get ready to do this, I'll sing you a song." And she did.

In Heaven, there is no beer.
That's why we drink it down here.
And when we're gone from here,
all our friends will be drinking all our beer.

In Heaven, there are no smokes.
That's why we'll take another toke.
And when we all have croaked,
all our friends will be taking all our smokes.


She clapped her hands and marched her feet to her titration song. I was giggling so much that by the time she started the second verse, I almost overshot and missed the delicate shade of pale pink. Then I would have had to do it all over again. I wondered if this was how all those important research chemists at universities all over the world did their experiments.

Science!