we don't encourage children.

My mom was telling me about how my brother took his wife and six children out to a restaurant. With the kids all being ages nine and under, I imagine they looked like a small daycare. The hostess at the restaurant met them with a stony stare. My brother's kids are as well-behaved as they are cute, which is what any good aunt will say. My mom thought it was sad that kids aren't really wanted in restaurants, even before the workers find out whether or not they'll behave.

It's not just behavior. There are lots of reasons children are the most dreaded kind of customer. When I was receiving the orientation for my first waitressing job, my boss explained to me that we had a kid's menu, but it wasn't listed on the regular menu. We had high chairs, but they were hidden out of sight in the back. "We don't encourage children," he said, then paused. "We get 'em, but we don't encourage them." That's a pretty harsh attitude for the future world leaders.

Behavior is a factor, but I've waited on more good kids than bad. There were some rotten ones. I remember a pair of little boys who ran around the entire restaurant while their parents blithely enjoyed coffee in the sunroom. But I also remember a little girl who ordered her chicken tenders with a "May I please..." and called me "ma'am." It was adorable. And of course this is really all about the parents. I've heard of some particularly entitled kids treating servers like servants, another attitude that they picked up from their folks. Luckily, I never had any experience with that.

For the most part, though, behavior is not the issue, because it's only certain circumstances that the restaurant workers have to deal with that. Sure, the other tables might have to listen to your little brats, but me, I'm somewhere else. Of course, if our other customers are unhappy because your baby is practicing for the opera, then our tips might reflect that. Even still, I don't think behavior is the prime reason servers don't want to wait on children.

For one thing, kids are messy. Even good kids. Straws, crackers, wrappers of all sorts, and of course, large gobs of food end up on the table, the seats, the floor. Everything ends up sticky. Just think about dinner time at home with your adorable children. Think about what you clean off their hands and faces, not to mention the table and floor. Now imagine that these are someone else's children and therefore not that adorable. Suddenly, that mess seems much worse.

Kids are also more work for less money. They eat less and they don't drink alcohol (or uh, they shouldn't be), so each little person is not adding that much to the check total. And yet they often have special requests, like no tomato or no onion and extra ranch dressing. So you work harder to accommodate more people, but your tip doesn't go up very much because the check isn't much higher. Surely you understand why a gaggle of youngins makes us want to run.

All that being said, I would like to say that most servers do understand. Granted, I'd rather have a table of a couple of rich old people than a young family. Less work for more money, that's easy math. But I do understand that the young couple want to be able to eat out with their family. I understand that the things that make kids a pain to serve are just part of their very kid-ness. So if you have a large family, I'm not going to resent you or give you lesser service. And I think most servers are like that. Yeah, you might end up with a jerk for a server sometimes who doesn't get it. But then again, good servers are going to end up with bratty kids at the table sometimes, so I guess it evens out.

I explained all of this to my mom, who still can't really imagine why anyone would not want her grandchildren at their restaurant. Alright, fine. It's really because most kids just aren't as cute as ours. I think if I told her that, she'd believe me.