Rhonda and I are sitting at the table in the games room, and I'm telling her about how my niece and nephew drive me nuts. Of course I love them and I think they're good kids, but really, they drive me nuts. It's to the point where I'm starting to wonder how we continue as a species, and why we haven't become one of those animals that destroys their young.
And here we see the adult male human trying to calm his young whilst they fight over a toy. The youngsters are ignoring the parent and sense no danger, when look! Yes! The adult female has entered the room, scooped up both children and thrown them out the window! Well, we have seen something today, folks, man in the wild.
Rhonda doesn't have any children either, but then Patrick comes in. He has two little girls, and so suddenly, he's the expert. I explain that my niece and nephew drive me crazy, to the point that I'm worried I won't have any patience with my own kids. I ask him for reassurance. "Do you find that you have more patience with your own kids than with other peoples'?" He hems and haws, which tells me he can't honestly give the answer I want. Then he asks for examples.
"Well, there's two of them. There's a boy who is eight and a girl who is twelve. And they're just at each other all the time. The boy is constantly provoking his sister in little ways. Just picking at her and touching her and trying to steal her chair when she gets up. But the girl is always trying to assert some sort of imaginary authority, telling him what to do or what not to do, warning him not to spill his drink on the computer." I pause. "I think I could probably strangle one with each hand."
Then Tom comes in, and Rhonda explains, "We're trying to help Sandra decide if she wants to have children." At that point, I realize the conversation has gotten away from me. I really don't want to get into a discussion of my future in child-bearing.
"I am not asking that. I'm just trying to determine if people tend to have more patience with their own kids than with other peoples' kids." I explain the situation with my niece and nephew again, during which Frank walks in. Tom replies, "They're eight and twelve? That's the way kids act."
"I understand that. The issue is not the way they are acting, but my reaction to it."
"You know how you know when you're ready to have kids?" Frank asks suddenly. I fight the urge to clarify that I'm not asking whether to have children, and I'm especially not asking whether to have children now. "You go to Chuck E Cheese, and you sit by the skee-ball machine all day. If by the end of that, you still want to have kids, you're ready."
It's a wonder the human race is still going.
1 comment:
ay yi yi. There are lots of things I could say to this, but if there is one all-important thing, I would say it is this: That Mom and Dad are on the same page regarding childrearing and what is acceptable and what is not. It is very difficult when parents don't have the same childrearing philosophies.
And there are ways of handling the arguing and nitpicking. Not that it will never, ever happen, but you can discourage it to the point where it is infrequent, and the time to do that is when they are much, much younger.
It is also much easier if you are are a stay-at-home mom, because you can recognize undesireable behavoir and nip it in the bud before it becomes habit.
So continue to save all the money you can (I know you already do this), so that IF you decide you want/need to stay home with the kids, you can. It is really hard on moms who want to stay home, but believe they can't because of finances.
Sorry, probably way more advice than you wanted. Just things I wish I had known pre-kids.
Tina
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