bunny lips.

My brother didn't have to email me about it this time, but I've gone and used another offensive word without meaning to. A commenter mistook me on Monday, thinking that I pictured my ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend with a hairy lip. I actually said that I imagined her with a harelip, which is far worse. In fact, having a little bit of hair on the upper lip is a common affliction of otherwise nearly-perfect dark-haired ladies. But the comment caused me to doubt my own understanding of the word, and so I looked it up. And then I learned that the word "harelip" is offensive.

Huh?

Of course, I immediately started thinking of my defense. I've been using that term, albeit very rarely, for years. And I think once that I called Josh "bunny lips," so does that count, too? Since I didn't know that the word was offensive, was it still offensive when I used it? Well, yes, but I do have some plausible deniability. And I bet I'm not the only one. I bet you've been throwing "harelip" around left and right and had no idea how many cleft lip victims you were offending. You are so insensitive.

I had a hard time finding out why it was offensive. Lots of web sites said that it was without any further explanation. The only explanation I could find was honestly a bit sketchy. Apparently, the term comes from the fact that hares, like all rodents, cuddly or not, have split lips. But then that got all mixed up with a connection between hares and witchcraft. In fact, if a child was born with a cleft lip, then it indicated that the mother had been knocked up by the devil. I suppose that's legit. If I implied that a person was the inspiration for "Rosemary's Baby", I would understand how they might be upset. But this explanation didn't ring true to me, maybe because it seemed like it referred to a limited time period. The writer then sort of lamely says that no one likes to be compared to a rodent.

But in my not-at-all extensive research (I skimmed through forty Google hits), that was the only explanation I could find. Usually internet research yields much more information. So if no one knows that a word is offensive, and no one can remember why, is it still offensive?

I wonder if maybe it became offensive the same way that "retarded" has. It started out as a totally legitimate medical term. But then people took it and started applying it as a general insult to people who were not actually mentally retarded, but just displaying some level of stupidity, either in general or by buying a really ugly hat. But then that makes other people mad, because you're being insensitive to people who are actually mentally retarded and would not be caught dead in that hat. And so the word that was formally just a regular term is now offensive to use at all, even when it's appropriate. Then we have a to come up with a new words for "retarded," but I bet it's only a matter of time before "mentally challenged" goes the same way. It's possible, maybe even likely, that eventually "retarded" will become non-offensive as more people grow up associating it with general stupidity only and not mental disabilities.

I suspect, and I have absolutely no evidence whatsoever to support this, that that scenario happened to "harelip", perhaps when it was a more common and less fixable condition. How long before "cleft lip" starts being used as a derogatory term? C'mon, you can call someone a Clefty*. That's offensive and catchy.

In any case, I feel bad about using the term at all now, because looking up info about it only leads me to pictures of cute babies with cleft lips and palates. How am I supposed to feel superior to my ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend if I start thinking of her as a sweet innocent baby whose face didn't develop properly in the womb? Maybe I should have accused her of having a hairy lip. Even better, a full beard. Yeah, we'll go with that. She's a total bearded lady, and he picked her up at the circus. She probably uses the term "harelip," too, which, as we all know, is very offensive. She's so insensitive.

*Okay, that was offensive, and I knew it. I have no excuse.