everything's alright.

I haven't had any contact with my ex-boyfriend since we broke up three years ago. Considering we were together about eight and a half years, a lot of people find our complete and total separation bizarre. Everyone says that they want to be friends after a break-up, but I have to tell you that total silence is a great way to encourage moving on. This person used to be the most important one in my life, now he's gone completely, so adapt NOW.

I have always figured that running into him at some point is inevitable. I imagined these confrontations being at different locations and in different situations, but the format is generally the same. Usually he had a new girl with him, usually one displaying genes which should have been ruled out by natural selection generations ago. I would be very cool and collected, wearing something modest but highlighting my natural beauty. Sometimes he would start an argument over some thing in our past relationship, whereupon I would show superior rhetoric skills and logic and prove him to be wrong, all wrong about everything that ever happened between us. If I was daydreaming in a good mood, he would start the conversation by just apologizing immediately. Then he would give me that dress mannequin that I paid $2 for a yard sale but that ended up in his apartment. The world would be right again.

So yeah, that hasn't happened. Thankfully, as time passed, my desire for such a confrontation lessened. I let go of a little bitterness, I conceded to myself that I was not so innocent with regard to the disintegration of our relationship. My imagined scenes became less confrontational, though his new girl still had a harelip and noticeable body odor. I didn't want retribution and groveling apologies so much as a sort of friendly "Hey, I'm okay, and as far as I'm concerned, everything's cool between us."

The internet makes it easier to be silent. You don't actually have to contact someone to find out what they are doing now. There are blogs and social networking sites and all that to fill the void. If he wanted to see what I was up to, all he had to do was come right here. And I go to his blog and web site periodically, just to see what's new in his world. For some reason, I am always surprised at how much he seems to be the same person. I guess I expected him to change in some really obvious way. After all, I've changed a lot. I have really long hair now and I've learned to like both South Park and beer; I'm like a completely different person.

It's actually comforting to know that he is still him and not the sort of person that would actually start a fight with me in public about five-year-old wrongs. His apparent stasis makes our relationship feel like it happened in a dream a long time ago, maybe even to someone other than me. I'm a different person, but he appears to be the same, so obviously, it must have been someone else. I'm sure if we met again, I'd be surprised at all the little things that are different about him. Perhaps he eats mayonnaise now. I can't even describe how that would blow my mind.

I don't know if we'll ever be friends again, and I'm not worried about it either way. As far as I'm concerned, everything's cool between us. He can even keep the dress mannequin.*

* I mean, if he wanted to get rid of the dress mannequin, because, like, it was taking up space and stuff, I would probably be willing to take it off his hands. You know, if he was sick of having it. That's all. It's not a big deal, and I am totally over the dress mannequin issue.