interesting sentences.

A recent post on Language Log reproduced an exercise in a children's writing workbook.

Here's the text of exercise 125, "Interesting Sentences":

A good sentence should be interesting.

"I have a dog" is not a good sentence with which to begin a story. [Note the very formal fronted preposition; no stranded prepositions! Possibly the writer of this sentence genuinely believes that "preposition at end" is ungrammatical, or maybe the writer is just trying to model "the best grammar" for the kids.] If you are writing a story about your dog that was lost, it would be better to begin the story, "Last week my dog Shep ran away from home."

Can you change the following sentences into interesting sentences? [Note that this is an instruction to change the sentences, not an actual question.]

The sentences are:

1. I have a bicycle.
2. Charlie has a goat.
3. I have a dress.
4. Brother gave me a wagon.
5. I have a pony.
6. My shoes are new.

(and there's a line at the end labeled: My score……………….)

The blogger's complaint was that the textbook doesn't really explain why the sentence is not interesting, it just asserts that it's not. He also argues that sentences that are plain and short are not necessarily uninteresting, and that good writers make use of many different styles.

I agree with those points. My initial thought was that the exercise itself was sort of vague. How can I make the sentence more interesting when I am not given more information about the story? Sure, I can say that my dog Shep ran away last week, but only if I know that the dog was named Shep and he ran away last week. I don't know that. I only know that I have a dog.

I guess you're supposed to make the rest of the information up, which is fine, but I can imagine my grade school self being disatisfied with these instructions. I bet I would have asked where this other information was supposed to come from, had this assignment been given to me. I would also be annoyed that sentences 1, 3, and 5 are essentially the same sentence.

As an amusing exercise, I decided to complete this worksheet. The instructions don't say, but I asked my teacher, and she said I should just make up the rest of the information. I leave it to you to decide whether my new sentences are "interesting" and to give me my score. You could play along too, if you like.

1. Original: I have a bicycle.
New: My bicycle lay battered and filthy in the ditch after a drunken night out on the town.

2. Original: Charlie has a goat.
New: Charlie bought a goat from my father for the purpose of barbecuing it for a family reunion.

3. Original: I have a dress.
New: My dress lay battered and filthy in the ditch after a drunken night out on the town.

4. Original: Brother gave me a wagon.
New: Before giving me a new Radio Flyer wagon, my brother used it to hide all of my other presents in the basement on Christmas morning.

5. Original: I have a pony.
New: My pony lay battered and filthy in the ditch after a drunken night out on the town.

6. Original: My shoes are new.
New: I bought new shoes with the money that Mr. Anderson paid me to keep quiet about what really happened to Shep.


My score ____________ .