"I'm sorry, Phil, you're incredibly qualified and we really need to fill this position; however, we were looking for a Virgo."
The day of the party, a blue folder is passed around. Within this folder is a greeting card and a list of all the employee names. When you sign the card, you're supposed to cross out your name and then hand the blue folder to someone else on the list whose name has not been crossed out. It's all done with the utmost secrecy, as if the person did not know it was their birthday. The surprise is further ruined by the fact that the lady who buys the goodies asks what kind of sugary snack the person wants. Well, it's not always sugary. One guy is kind of a health nut (fruit) and another is on Atkins (meat and cheese tray). The rest of us know what birthdays are about, so we ask for cake or pie or cookies or ice cream bars.
Every once in a while, someone will be unable to decide between cookies and cake, and we'll end up with a cookie cake. This is basically one giant chocolate chip cookie which has icing on it. It's cut up into slices and served like a pizza.
I'm here to report that the cookie cake is crap. It's a waste of a perfectly good birthday wish, maybe the only birthday wish that ever consistently comes true. If you want cookies, wish for cookies. If you want cake, wish for cake. But this bastard son of cookie and cake is an abomination. It satisfies neither craving and just leaves you with a gross, sugary, fake dairy taste in your mouth. A glass of milk cannot save you.
Cookie cake is not worth the calories, the money, or the experience of eating it. I gotta tell you, my threshold for free dessert being worth the calories is incredibly low. I did not even know that it existed until I tried cookie cake. I do alright managing to resist junk food at the grocery store, and if I don't bring it into the house, I'm perfectly content not eating it. But when it's sitting there in the break room, waiting to be eaten, then I lose all sense of self-control. I am like a child who has not yet learned the rules of sharing, except I have learned the rules, so I mostly try to sneak in and get a piece when no one is looking.
Whereas on cookie cake days, I can sit idly by and watch other people consume it while I feel sorry for them. Suckers.
HOWEVER: You can make homemade cookie cake, and it is freaking amazing. In fact, you could make this tonight, because you probably already have all these ingredients.
From Alosha's Kitchen
- 2 c all-purpose flour
- 1 t baking soda
- 1/2 t kosher salt
- 3/4 c (12 T) unsalted butter, softened
- 1/2 c sugar
- 3/4 c packed light brown sugar
- 1 large egg
- 2 t vanilla extract
- 1 bag (11.5 oz) chocolate chips
Preheat oven to 350 degrees.
Whisk together the flour, baking soda, and salt.
Use a mixer to cream together the butter and sugars. Mix in egg and vanilla. Add the dry ingredients and mix until they are just combined. Stir in chocolate chips.
Put dough in a 12-inch cast iron or other ovenproof skillet, and spread so that you have one layer completely covering the bottom of the pan. Bake 40 - 45 minutes, or until edges are brown and top is golden. Be careful to not overbake, as it will keep cooking in the pan once you take it out of the oven. Cool on a wire rack in pan, 15 to 20 minutes.
Notes - I do not have a 12-inch cast iron skillet. But I do have a 10.5-inch and a 5-inch. I did the math, and it was close enough for me. Plus, the 5-inch skillet is really cute and would make a great individual cookie cake for someone's birthday. If you have a similar situation, you might need to increase the cooking time.
If you have ice cream, it needs to be involved. If you don't, it's still pretty dang good.