feed your sandra.

We were in Podunk, Virginia, trying to find our way to a resort on the top of the mountain. We had an email telling us that GPS wouldn't get us there, but that was all the info we had. The GPS was going, but I didn't know whether to trust it. So I was trying to look up the website of the resort to get old-fashioned directions, the kind that say turn left at the Citgo. Also, both of our phones were moribund. All in all, I was kinda stressing out. Josh pointed out a red hatchback with a Jesus fish that looked like the U.S.S Enterprise. I snapped at him.

I got a text, asking for beer. We already had some, but you can never underestimate how much beer people will drink, at least not the people we were going to be hanging out with this weekend. There were no stores within an hour of the resort, so we were stocked up. We weren't entirely sure whether we were allowed to bring booze into the national forest, so it was all in the back, hiding under an innocuous pink blanket. We stopped at a Food Lion. I didn't feel like bundling up again to go into the store, so I said I'd wait in the car.

It seemed to take forever. If I'd known Josh was going to set up base camp in there, I'd have taken the trouble to put on my shoes.

Suddenly, I realized that I was really, really hungry. It was a special hunger, one that would soon morph into a headache. Once I was at headache, anything I ate after that would come right back up. Trust me, this has happened before, but if I could cut if off early, I would be fine. I needed food. Seeing still no signs of Josh (what was he doing in there? Podunk, Virginia Food Lions probably have terrible beer selection), I laced up my sneakers and ran inside to find the nearest Snickers.

I found Josh at the self-checkout, with a 12-pack of PBR, a pack of potato rolls, some ham, and a bag of potato chips. Sweet, blessed man. We were halfway back across the parking lot when he realized we didn't have anything to drink (well, except for 36 beers and two fifths of whiskey), so I ran back inside and grabbed a Mountain Dew and a Dr. Pepper.

Back in the car, following the GPS, I made plain ham sandwiches. They were quite possibly the best ham sandwiches that ever existed. My bad mood, my hunger, my headache all went away. I was left with a sense of appreciation for the man who knew when to feed his Sandra.

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