happy new year or else.

Let's talk about New Year's Eve. I sorta hate it.

It took me a long time to figure out what I hate about New Year's: it's that sometimes I have a crappy one. Not always, but those are definitely the most memorable. It seems like I had a fine time ringing in 2007, or maybe I'm only assuming that because I don't remember it at all. 2011 came in with a lesson about the dangers of champagne. I started 2008 freezing cold, in the car, miles to go before I slept. The first moments of 2005 sucked the most of all.

Of course, that's unfair. No doubt I have had terrible April 27ths, but I don't bear any ill will toward the day. And like I said, some of my New Year celebrations have been fine. I think. Maybe they were so bad that I'm blocking them out.

I realized last year that I had a certain idea about New Year's Eve that was ruining it for me. I think of it as a harbinger of the year to come. So if I have a rotten evening, I can feel the whole year yawning before me in awfulness. This is not logical. But it is an idea that had been hanging out in my head, making mediocre parties seem like portents of doom. It made having a terrific night a terrible necessity. HAVE FUN OR ELSE. One year, I found out that I was going to spending my New Year's at The Farmhouse, and I think I just wrote off the whole next year then and there.

But now, having pinpointed the source of my New Year's anxiety, I can overcome it. I can, you know, just let the evening unfold like I do with every other evening without feeling frantic that I'm not having the best night of my life. It is hard to have a good time when you're obsessed with the need to have a good time.

And if it sucks, well, I'll just write it off as part of 2012. Which wasn't a bad year for me, so if one day was below average, no big deal.

Happy New Year.