the big mermaid.

Edd with two 'd's teaches my scuba class. We're the Thursday night class. There are two Friday night classes, but ours is the best. Rather, ours is the class full of people with priority registration, because no one wants to take a Friday night class. Sometimes a Friday night person comes to our class because they won't be able to make it to theirs. Friday night people are generally uncool.

Edd teaches the class with Regina, who has the same last name, a very unusual last name, but is a very different ethnicity, and lives an hour and a half away from Edd. Their relationship is a mystery to me.

Edd's a funny guy. He has lots of jokes, but they are the kind of jokes that you can tell he tells every time he goes over the same things with a new class. It's all scripted in his lectures. Regina doesn't laugh at the jokes, because she's heard them before. I do, because I haven't and because they are funny the first time. Some of them would be funny the second or third time.

Edd is kind of a sexist, but it's not in an offensive way. He only picks on boys, and always compliments the girls as a whole, even the ugly ones. He calls us "mermaid" except for Meredith, who is very petite and wears all the extra-small gear. He calls her "Little Mermaid". I'm a tall girl, but am relieved he doesn't call me "Big Mermaid". There is a very large male in our class, and he wears all the extra-large gear. Edd picks on him, but the guy takes it very well, I think. That guy could eat about five Merediths.

Scuba class is not cheap. We rent the equipment and buy the textbook. Even if you don't go on the trip at the end of the class, it'll still run you close to $200. I was in a Carpe Diem mood when I signed up for the class, and also when I signed the check made out to Regina. Seizing the day is expensive.

It's an easy class. PE classes aren't made to be hard. The first rule in scuba diving is to always breathe. I'm pretty good at that. I did have to learn some new things, like how to put together equipment and how to clear my airspaces and how not to get drunk on nitrogen. There aren't many difficult concepts in scuba class.

There is one thing I can't do. I can't clear my mask. Edd makes us takes off our masks underwater, put them back on, and then blow the water out with our noses. I always come up with a mask full of water. Meredith, the Little Mermaid, she's my scuba buddy. She says I'm blowing out through my mouth. I wouldn't be surprised. I get so panicked when we have to do that that I can't tell my mouth from my nose. I'd hate to drown in my own mask. It would be terribly embarrassing.

Diving is relaxing, in the pool anyway. You can just float along, take a nap even. Edd says it's the closest to being weightless you'll ever experience without being an astronaut. And since being an astronaut is even more expensive and probably a lot harder, I'm okay to settle for this brand of weightlessness. It seems like there would be a lot more to being an astronaut than just breathing.

We wear wetsuits to stay warm. Meredith wears a special one because she's so little. I wear a medium. They are terribly unflattering to any figure. The one I wear comes down to just above my knees and when I wear it with the scuba booties, my legs look just like Miss Piggy's. I'm glad Casey isn't in the class, or else he might rethink our relationship.

Edd tells us lots of horror stories about diving. He dives for pleasure and also on rescue missions. He says he has lots of tear marks on the shoulders of his wet suits from the fingernails of drowning women. I am skeptical. It's a dangerous sport if you're not careful, but he's only bled underwater once, when a student shot him with a spear gun. I wonder what kind of grade that kid got. I also wonder what kind of kid has a spear gun.

To pass the class, we have to be able to swim 200 yards and tread water for 10 minutes. I think we have to be able to do that next week. I'm a little apprehensive about it. I learned to swim at the neighbor's pool. Sometimes I dog-paddle. I've never swum 200 yards before, and it seems like a long way. I hope we have an unlimited amount of time to do it. I wish we could wear our flippers. Meredith, I think she used to be on the swim team, so she's going to teach me some sort of stroke this week before class. I'd hate to drown in the swimming pool, though it would save me the embarrassment of drowning in my mask.

After the class is over, Edd takes trips to different diving locations so that we can be open-water certified. I want to be certified, even though I don't know that I'll ever use my certification privileges. Maybe this whole class is just me saying to the world, "Hey! I'm young, and I can do whatever I want!" I'm having a mid-life crisis at twenty.

I want to be certified, but I don't know if I'm going on a trip this semester. I don't think it's a good idea to take off a weekend from work in October. Leaves changing colors and whatnot. I'm thinking of waiting until the next round of classes to go. The trips are expensive, too, the cheapest being $100. One of them costs around $350, the one to West Palm. That trip is scheduled for the weekend before my 21st birthday. If it were a week later, I'd probably be more inspired to go.

I like the class, and I like diving, but I'm glad it's almost over. It'll be nice to have Thursday nights free again. I'm a very lazy girl. I'll miss Edd and Meredith and being weightless. I won't miss clearing my mask and having Miss Piggy legs.

I'll miss being a mermaid.