you're all invited to my intervention party - BYOB.

My whole life before today lead up to this one day. And here I am. I have arrived.

Except not really.

I swear, I didn't care anything about being 21 a month ago. Every once in a while, usually on the 30th of every month, I'd go, "Hmm, in (October - currentMonth) months, I will be able to purchase alcohol any time I please, except before noon on Sunday in North Carolina." And that was it. I wasn't giving the whole thing much thought.

But this month, I am ashamed at my own excitement. Every time I go to an alcohol-serving eating establishment, I am sorely disappointed that it's not later in the month so I can have a beer. I don't even like beer. (However, I am making it my goal to like beer, because premium malt beverages and mixed drinks are not cheap. PBR, here I come!) I mourn the drink specials I cannot enjoy because I was not born premature. I'm always sure that they would have been very good.

I am intensely ashamed at how pathetic I have been at the prospect of drinking lately. My desire to get older makes me feel about five years younger. I wasn't even sure if I should share this with you because it really is that silly. Also because my mother will worry. She already kinda thinks I might drink too much, and is planning a big intervention party next month. Her last message to me ended with the words "be careful" in all caps. Who is being prayed for today? I think it's me.

Mama need not worry. I'm not sure how I'm going to celebrate. I'm too cheap to go out and get wasted, plus I don't like being too intoxicated to spell "sophisticated". (Long story.) I feel like I should do something related to purchasing alcohol, though I haven't decided on what. Like when you turn 16, you get your license and when you turn 18, you go vote or buy a pack of cigarettes. It's a rule.

I got a birthday card, about two weeks early, from the ASU health department. It was signed by all the staff and gave me a list of 21 things to do on my birthday as well as that statistic that most ASU students have 6 or fewer drinks when they party. (6 or fewer? I should certainly hope so.) Suggestions include baking a cake and going bicycling and maybe reading a book all alone in the dark. Somehow I don't think I'm going to be looking at the card for ideas on how to spend the day.

Celebrations for the day aside, I am glad to have reached this particular milestone. I look forward to being able to go into clubs and bars past 11pm. I look forward to not having to pay more to get into places because I'm unable to patronize their bar. I look forward to not getting those annoying hand stamps that scream "Look at me! I sure am sober and likely to remain so!" I look forward to no longer being the automatic designated driver.

I look forward to the wine. I've been bringing a different bottle of wine home every time I go, in the hopes of turning my parents on to something other than white zinfandel. I'm not a wine snob, but the people at work, they laugh at me! It is a hassle to get Nick to take me to the grocery store while I examine every bottle and he complains that all wines are a sign of homosexuality. Nick's a budweiser kind of man. I know you're not surprised. But now, I can take myself down to Lowe's and spend as much time as I want examining and holding the bottles until I find something that is not Turning Leaf or come in a jug or a box, but still isn't more than $10. I like wine, and I like to learn about it, but it's hard to be an underaged connisseur.

I guess what I look forward to most is the option. Not that I'm itching to legally drink myself into oblivion, but just that I can if I want to. I can order a drink in a restaurant, and then proceed to sit there and drink it. The thought boggles the mind.

But twenty-one is the last time when it's good to be older. I've always been the oldest or close to it in my group of friends. It was always a good thing, because I got to do everything first. But this is pretty much the last time being older is the good thing. Now they won't see me as older, just old.

But anyway, there's my thoughts on this, my 21st birthday.

And now I feel old.