she's got legs.

The rash is back.

Now don't go running to direct me to the Valtrex site to suppress my outbreaks. It's not that kind of rash, though I appreciate your concern.

I have a skin condition. The technical name is very very dry skin, though I like to refer to it as seasonal excema because people take it much more seriously that way. Basically, it's this. My legs get dry, I scratch them and end up with the Weird Scab Patches of Eternity. As their name would imply, the Weird Scab Patches of Eternity do not go away with traditional methods such as Neosporin or the method favored by five-year olds, repeatedly picking them off until they scar up. I have to use this prescription steroid cream and keep them ridiculously moisturized for them to go away.

I first started getting the rash in high school when I played basketball. It was a winter sport, so my legs were dry anyway, plus I had to shave them fairly often since I was wearing those flattering basketball shorts. That's a bad combination. The first winter I got it, my legs turned into one great big Weird Scab Patch of Eternity. Someone asked if I had the chicken pox. Another time, a spectator for the other team sitting on the sidelines yelled "Hey, 32! You've got zits on your legs!" Clever crowd that was.

I finally wound up at the dermatologist, who actually visibly winced when she saw my chicken pox that wasn't chicken pox. Aside from the cream, I was also put on a Vaseline regimen. Because zits on my legs was not bad enough, I had to lube up my legs with petroleum jelly every night before bed. My sheets stuck to me and my legs were so shiny no one could look at them directly without suffering mild eye injury.

But it worked, so I didn't mind too terribly much. After a while, I switched from Vaseline to Eucerin. It may be cow urea, but at least it doesn't glisten. Plus, I bet if you use your imagination for a little while, you can come up with some good jabs for the girl who puts Vaseline all over her legs every night. Yeah, those got old.

I've never had it as badly as I did that first winter as I have the sense to catch it before it gets to the stage resembling leprosy. But I do still have the odd Weird Scab Patch of Eternity, and I've had to start breaking out the nightly Eucerin ritual again.

Even with the patches, the glistening legs, and the mistaken chicken pox, I still try to find the silver lining to seasonal excema, and I think I've finally found it.

"No, I really can't shave my legs. You see, I have a condition."