awesome.

I'm on the guest list at every show. I get free or discounted beer and food anywhere the band gets free or discounted beer and food. I hang out with the band all the time. I go to pre-parties and after-parties and just parties in general. I get to watch every show with the exciting knowledge that I've made out with the bassist and that I probably will again after the show. I get free CDs and stickers. I get songs written about me.

Being a rock star's girlfriend is awesome.

Then there was this party, see, and the guys were playing over in the corner in the basement. The crowd, whether from the vodka and energy drink cocktails or the music or a combination of the two, was digging it. This one girl dressed in a snug black shirt and jeans (Do you think she looks like a slut? I think she does, really.), she apparently was really digging it, and so she decided to dig it with her hips right behind the performing bassist, the one I've made out with. She wraps her arm around him from behind, her hand rubbing on his chest. The lead guitarist looks at her, and then at me, his eyebrows raised and spelling out the question "Are you going to do anything about this?" Me, I was watching this girl grind up on my boyfriend (MY boyfriend, MY make-out-later bassist) while he ignored her and continued to just be a bassist, my eyebrows raised and spelling out the question "Am I going to do anything about this?" And then she quit, once her girlfriend took her picture (I was right, she does look like a slut, a big one.). And it finally occurred to me to wonder how many times this sort of thing had happened, how many girls had thrown themselves at my boyfriend.

Being a rock star's girlfriend sucks.

Now I raise my eyebrows at you all and they ask you, "Should I have done anything about that?" I still don't know. The girl was drunk, and she undoubtedly had no idea that the bassist already had someone to make out with. It was a whore first, ask questions later situation. Making a scene in the middle of a rock show probably wouldn't have been the solution either. Everyone was there to have a good time, and that's what they were doing. Although, who knows, maybe a cat fight was exactly what that party needed. I don't blame him for the way he handled it; ignoring someone's plea for attention is probably the way to go. Of course, had he spit in her face, I would have been okay with that, too.

Even if I had done what I would've very much wished that I had the assertiveness to do, which was run up there and punch her in the face, or at least pop her with a rolled-up newspaper and say "shoo!", I can't be at every single show, and I can't punch them all in the face. There is no way that I can be the buffer between my boyfriend and an affair. Only he can be that buffer. That's a concept that a lot of people do not understand, that it's not their responsibility to keep a partner faithful. I tell my boyfriend that I trust him, and now I am being tested. It is hard. I think of myself as being very trusting, but there are times when I wonder if I'm not just being naive, that most guys are not made to play rock music, drink, and then turn down free love on behalf of a girlfriend who will likely never find out. It's the times when I put the situation into that kind of perspective that I start to flip out and want to outfit him with a homing device. Even if I feel that my faith in him is being tested way beyond the norm of most relationships, it still boils down to simply trusting him, and that's just what I have to do if I want to be with him, not go around punching girls. There are always going to be more girls, drunk ones that just want to put out for a rock star. And you know why?

Because being a rock star's girlfriend is awesome.