1.10.2006

because those are the good kind.

"Why do some girls like shy guys?"

What a silly question. To me, it was like asking why girls like attractive guys or guys who like to buy presents, the answer being "Because those are the good kind." I am one of those girls who likes shy guys, so I was fit to answer the question, but I had to think about it first. Then I thought about it some more and I even took an informal poll of girls I know, not all of whom like shy boys at all. Here's what I came up with. (Be forewarned that there are going to be mass generalizations here. I know a lot of extroverted people that I like very much, and I also know some shy people that suck. But I am afraid that there is no way to answer a question like that without relying on generalizations.)

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The Challenge.
For the girls who like the chase, shy guys are the way to go. Of course, these girls are in it for all the wrong reasons, and they are taking the shy men and making them bitter about women. Those girls suck.

The Charm.
Shy boys are sweet. They are endearing and often don't expect much. He's going to just be surprised that you like him, and he going to take care of you so that you don't stop liking him. It may be surprising to some that a shy boy can be very charming, but not in the way that an outgoing man can be, where you get suspicious of what he wants. It's unassuming, natural charm, not weaselly.

The Coincidence.
Some girls have a defined type with a list of characteristics that go with the man of their dreams. Though shyness may not be on the list per se, shyness may naturally go along with other characteristics. Say a girl really likes computer dorks: that girl likes the shy boys by default. She also will never have a problem getting a date.

The Mystery.
Mystery is sexy. You want to get to know this person simply because you haven't been able to immediately categorize him, and you are curious. Then by the time you figure him out, you're already invested, and you might as well stick around.

The Security.
He's too shy to go around cheating on you, because he can't even talk to other women. I don't particularly like this reason, but a couple of my girlfriends mentioned it, so I thought I should pass it along. Me, I just think that only means that the other girls will be more aggressive when chasing him. And I wouldn't rely on this to keep your boyfriend faithful - maybe go out with someone who doesn't cheat on you because he's a nice boy, not because he can only get it together enough to ask out a girl once in a blue moon.

The Commonality.
Some girls are shy. A lot of these girls are going to like shy guys, partly as an avoidance of the extroverts. To a shy person, an extrovert can be absolutely terrifying. Better to be safe. Also, introverts and extroverts alike do not tend to understand why another would be otherwise from what they themselves are. My extroverted friends probably think I'm sad and pathetic because I go to the movies and eat out alone. I tend to think that people who do not enjoy solitude have something wrong with them: if even they cannot stand to spend time with themselves, why would I want to spend time with them?

The Buried Treasure Factor.
I think that this one is a big one for me. I am an elitist in pretty much everything I do: that's why I like wine and vintage clothing and independent music. I tend to think that having to work for something makes it better. Completely ignoring the fact that an elitist is kind of an obnoxious thing to be, I apply it to boys, too. I want to have a boy that is amazingly cool and interesting and intelligent, and I want him to be a secret. I do not want the boy that is in the middle of a big group of people at a party; I want the one who is standing against the wall whispering clever sarcastic commentary. I want the guy who others may pass over because is not obviously and instantly interesting due to a lack of social graces. Then I get to talking to him, get to know him, and I find out that there is someone amazing inside that slouching aloof exterior. To be one of the select few that gets to know this guy for the wonderful person he really is makes me feel special.

Granted, that's not always going to be the case. Sometimes shy people are really boring, too. And you could argue that there are a lot of traits that a person could have disguising their true wonderfulness, such as arrogance or garrulousness or a case of narcolepsy. However, shyness is much less obnoxious than those traits and is much less likely to be painful to work through.

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And those are my theories regarding why girls like shy guys. Now you all want to run out and go nab yourself one, and I don't blame you. Just stay away from mine.

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