articles indefinite.

I don't have TV.

Note the lack of an indefinite article in that sentence (note the definition of an indefinite article). What I mean by that statement is that I own a television set, but it doesn't get any channels. I have a pair of rabbit ears, but they don't pick anything up. What the statement really amounts to is "I don't have cable." So while I have a TV, I do not have TV.

Understand?

This fact is the cause of wonder and amazement to my coworkers. They don't understand, even when I go through that whole explanation about indefinite articles. It seems like I have to say the words "I don't have TV" at least once a week.

"Hey, have you seen that commercial-"
"I don't have TV."
"Oh, yeah."

It makes for bad water cooler conversations.

They try to convert me. I like to think it's because they envy my simplified life, but I think it's just so they can tell me about that commercial or that episode of that show that I don't watch. They're just tired of having perfectly good conversations ruined by the fact that I don't have TV.

If someone is learning for the first time that I don't have TV, the person will invariably ask why, because not having TV doesn't make sense. It's like being born without a big toe or turning down cake or not picking up a dollar off the street. And the answer to why I don't have TV really only adds confusion.

I don't have TV, because if I had TV, I would watch it.

Alright, now, let's walk through that one. When I was in college, I had TV. And I watched it. I watched lots of shows and I would have been very good at water cooler conversations had there been any water coolers around. I don't really think that I watched an exorbitant amount for any old American, but it still seemed like a lot. The default answer to boredom is TV, and soon you're watching shows that aren't that good because there's nothing else on, but you don't want to get off the couch. And so when I moved into my own place, I decided that I wanted to save $50 a month and come up with better things to do with my time. Read, write, learn a new recipe, call my mother, climb Mt. Everest, whatever.

I haven't had TV for two and a half years. I don't miss it. I'm not really anti-TV, though I do think people in general watch too much of it. I don't lecture my friends for watching it. It's just something that I've decided is not for me. Besides, I enjoy the challenge of coming up with other water cooler topics. Speaking of indefinite articles, have you ever heard about the zero article?