lock-in.

I'm locked in a Goodwill dressing room with two skirts and a pile of clothes from previous users. I do not know what to do.

At this point, you say, "Hey, silly, it's a dressing room. Ever used one of those before? You take off your clothes, you put on the skirts - one at a time, mind you. Then you look at yourself in the mirror and you make a face. If it's a happy face, then you buy the skirt. If it's a sad or any other sort of unhappy face, then you put the skirt back on the rack. Then you put your own clothes back on and leave to either purchase the skirt(s) or put them away. See? Easy!"

No, no, no, I know all that. In fact, I have done most of that. I tried on two skirts and made two unhappy faces. Then I put my own pants back on and made ready to put the skirts back. But the door is locked.

"Man, you are stupider than I thought. Look, the door is locked to allow you privacy while you strip down to your skivvies in public. In fact, you were the one who locked it. So you just unlock it. It'll be fine, really. Sit down and have a rest first if you don't feel you're ready for it."

I'm telling you, I tried that. I turned the lock back to horizontal (that's a big word, see, I am not stupid). When I came in, it was horizontal, and I turned it to vertical. Now that I'm ready to leave the room, I've turned it back to horizontal and the door still won't open. The lock is jammed or something, I am locked in a Goodwill dressing room, and I'm just not sure what to do.

"So the lock is stuck somehow?"

Yes.

"You can't get out?"

No.

"Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! Oh man, that is rich! Ha ha ha ha! Wow, that really sucks! Good luck with that one!"

Thanks.

The way I look at it, I have a several options, none of which is particularly appealing.

1. I could live in the Goodwill dressing room. While the Goodwill dressing room does provide ample shelter from cold and weather, it does not provide food. That would be good up to a point: for instance, I would be able to wear one of these skirts within a couple of days.
2. I could continue fidgeting with the lock, hoping that I will do something I haven't already done in the last five minutes. The trouble with this one is that eventually someone will notice. Also, this seems to be more and more unlikely to be helpful the longer I stand in here.
3. I could knock on the door and hope someone answers. No doubt that someone will have to get another someone to help, and there might be five or six someones standing outside snickering by the time they free me. Though I am quite an avid collector of public humiliation stories, I collect them from other people.
4. I could shimmy under the doorway. Doorway shimmying is something I've done many times in the past to unlock a locked public bathroom or even a dressing room. Of course, I was always trying to get in, but I suppose that's irrelevant. The thing is, I haven't done that in probably ten or fifteen years. Also, this doorway is a bit low to the ground, making an already ungraceful move even more difficult. The image of me stuck under a doorway to a Goodwill dressing room flashes in my head, and I want to cry.

Still, Number 4 is really the only option if I want to a.) get out, and b.) avoid as much embarrassment as possible. Both of these things are very important to me.

I get low to the ground and peer under the doorway. A pair of women saunter by, pausing to admire something or other right in front of the door for what seems like ages. Finally, they move on. I peek to the sides to see if anyone is near. The time is ripe. I get down on my stomach and I shimmy. Oh boy, do I shimmy. I do not get stuck, and I get out, standing up quickly and tossing my hair casually over my shoulder. The pair of women miraculously were looking in the other direction. I walk up to the front counter, prepared to explain to the cashier what has just happened. But then I realize what I would have to say, decide to let them figure it out for themselves, and walk straight out the front door, which, thankfully, is unlocked.