understand your'e bad album cover, part 4.

Only twenty more to go, and then I'll go back to talking about nothing or just not blogging at all. Then you'll wish there were more album covers.

Part 1
Part 2
Part 3

31. Joyce
A lot of these record covers have a very clear line where they cross over from regular bad to extraordinarily bad. I think the line here is the rose. With that single red rose, Joyce goes from your elementary school librarian to your elementary school librarian who never had another serious relationship after Fred Rogers broke it off. She offers you a song and this rose and we know that she is really offering Joyce. Please be gentle.

32. ET - Best Friends
When ET made this album cover, he would laugh at the ridiculous outfits he wore in the 70s while thanking his lucky stars that his seashell pants would never go out of style.

33. Ali and His Gang Vs. Mr. Tooth Decay
This album also features Frank Sinatura and Howard Cosell. I bet that I could make a bunch of money teaching finance courses to the rich and famous. There would be only one class in the course, for which I would charge $500 a seat. I would hold up this album and say, "People, don't immediately piss all your money away, and you won't have to do projects like this." Then I would just walk out and invest my earnings wisely. Or buy a yacht.

34. The Electric Amish - A Hard Day's Work
Whoever compiled this list is starting to piss me off. This album cover is fine. There is absolutely nothing wrong with it. I did learn that The Electric Amish is a parody band that takes pop songs and covers them from the Amish perspective. Weird Al did this with one song ("Amish Paradise"), but these people have done three albums worth (and they released their first album before Weird Al released his song). I might say that perhaps they are overdoing this schtick, but then I read the song titled "I Want to Dress in Black and White (And Work Real Hard All Day)" and had to laugh. But seriously, someone ought to send an apology to The Electric Amish for including them on this list.

35. Jonah Jones - I Dig Chicks!
Jonah Jones digs chicks right out of the ground, where he grows them for fun and profit! Isn't it funny how sexism can seem fun and campy when it happened in the 50s? Makes one wonder how our children will look upon "Baby Got Back."

36. John Bult - Julie's Sixteenth Birthday
While many of these albums are really not that bad (and some of them aren't bad at all), this is a truly awful album cover. It screams out "teenage pregnancy." Did no one happen to, you know, look at it before releasing it into the wild? Shame on you, John Bult, shame on you.

37. Anchors Away! With Captain Hook and His Pirate Crew
You know, unlike most of these records, someone actually made a lot of money off of this album: the therapist for those children. My parents did a lot of scarring things to me in my youth, but never anything as bad as this.

38. Gary Dee Bradford - Sings for You and You and You
But not you. Gary Dee Bradford told me that he does not like you and he will never, ever, under any circumstances sing for you.

39. Jerry Riley - A Rainbow in Air
Jerry Riley seems to have some weird ideas about God, namely that He looks like Phil Collins. Honestly, I'd always pictured God in the more traditional old man with flowing beard way, but I don't want to say that He can't look like Phil Collins. Although, if I were omnipotent, I would most definitely not look like Phil.

40. Jimmy Jenson - Understand Your'e Swede
None of the possible translations of the word "your'e" make any sense. Is it meant to be possessive, meaning that you own a person of Swedish descent and that you must understand him/her? Or it could be the contraction, meaning that it's high time that you got over the fact that you're from Sweden, so you might as start understanding all that entails. Adding confusion is the fact that in Britain, the word "swede" can mean rutabaga! So if you either are or own a Swedish person or a rutabaga, then I guess this album is for you.

I really like the artwork though, what with the pencil drawings and the subtle coloring. Also, in Sweden, lumberjacks apparently wear argyle, which I think is much nicer than plaid. They also have hot wives.