9.27.2003

from my calculus notes.

I sat next to a Sigher during my Calculus test. It was statistically unlikely. I sat at the end of the row, so I would only be distracted by the presence of one person in my vicinity. Naturally, I got the one person annoying enough for two.

Sighers don't study, Sighers never are prepared, Sighers always sit next to me out of spite because I did study. When I don't study, Sighers sit next to someone else and I end up sitting next to the Person Who Knows Everything.

Sighers are cocky before the test; they don't look over their notes one last time because they have no such notes. They have no need for notes, as this is probably the second time they've taken the class. They look around, they talk to their buddies, and they play the drums on their textbooks, pristine with disuse.

Then the tests are passed out, and you can see the confidence drain from the Sigher's face. They didn't know that was going to be on the test, most likely because they weren't listening when they were explicitly told that it was. And their review sheet? Lost, probably.

Here is where the Sighers are separated from the more quieter breeds of foolish students. They get panicked at the overwhelming things they do not know, but apparently are expected to. They run their fingers through their hair. They periodically let their hands drop heavily on the desk. They sigh. They sigh ridiculously loudly, as if they are trying to drop a hint to some unknown person. They sigh every five seconds. They sigh as if no one knows the trouble they've seen. They sigh because this test, the one they did not study for and that they are going to fail, is just so unfair.

This sighing, this exhaling symbolic of their lack of preparation is incredibly disturbing to those of us who bothered to notice there was going to be a test that day. It makes us sigh, though what we'd really like to do is scream, "Please contain your exhaling!" We generally settle for darting exasperated glances at them in between questions. The mean thoughts we think about them distract us from our equations and variables.

I finished my test with only a couple of minutes to spare, and I did not suppress my smirk when I saw his half-full answer sheet. It was all I could do to suppress the urge to smack him in the back of the head as I walked out of the room and never looked back.

Maybe next time he'll study.

Maybe next time he won't sit next to me.

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