tough brakes.

I write diagnostic software for trucks and other large vehicles. My job implies to a lot of people that I both know a lot about computers and a lot about trucks. Neither of these are true. I know a fair amount about computers and very little about trucks. Basically, I know just enough about both things to do my job.

I bet I sound like a big slacker, doing only just what I need to do to get by. But honestly, I don't really have to know anything about trucks. I need to know about the computers inside the trucks - the ones controlling the engine and the transmission and the instrument panel, et cetera, but that's about it. And really, all I need to know about them is how they communicate with my program. So when the transmission is sending out messages, I need to know how to turn transmission-speak into mechanic-speak, but if you ask me what the resulting mechanic-speak means, I'm not going to know. I'm not interested in the topic, and so I haven't made myself informed.

I'm working on an application for a new Humvee. Not like those gas-hogs you see on the road driven by men with a lot of money and a need to compensate for something, but the ones that soldiers drive around in the desert or wherever. This hummer, being the ultimate in vehicular technology, has brakes. Our application is supposed to send messages to the braking system to make it, uh, do stuff. See, here I am getting a little vague, because I don't actually know what the brakes are supposed to do when they receive those messages. I don't really care, either. All I care about is that my application sent the message and the brakes did whatever they were supposed to do.

I had to ask a coworker of mine how to send these messages to the brakes and whether to expect any sort of messages back. This coworker is a very nice man, but a trifle long-winded. He is not like me in that he cares and knows how trucks work. Apparently, he desires knowledge more in-depth than "brakes make things stop." I go in, I ask him how to send the message, which is a strictly software question, and he responds with, "Do you know how an ABS system works?"

Sigh. It's been a long day, I'm already a little tired and grumpy, and though I do not want to be rude to this very nice man, I really really really don't want to talk about how brakes work. I trust the brake manufacturers - as long as the brakes make things stop, that is good enough for me. So I say, "Well, no, but I don't really care."

"Oh," he says, clearly disappointed. "Okay, so when you send this message to the brakes to check the valves...well, see the brakes have these valves, and then...yadda yadda yadda...coefficient of friction...blah blah blah...slipping...blah blah blah...traction..." I'd already been rude once, and I just didn't have the heart to interrupt the impromptu physics lesson. I had more than enough heart to stare blankly out the window while he talked, though.

When he was all done, I still didn't know any more about what I actually needed to know, but I did know that brakes...have valves. Also, they make things stop.